Hello beautiful friends,
Have you even been on a car trip that seemed like the roads went on forever and there was no end to it, like you would never get there? Takes me back to when I was a kid and my parents took us to Florida for the first time. We were so excited when we started out, we couldn’t wait get there but somewhere around day 2 the excitement drained out and the roads just seemed like they would go on forever – a path that seemed like it was leading no where except to more roads. But the more you traveled you had to keep going because now when you looked back the starting point was no where in site.
I’m feeling a bit that way right now on my journey, and I have a song to share with you that really spells out exactly how I am feeling. It’s called Just Breathe By Anna Nalick. You can watch the music video below but I will hightlight the lyrics that are just screaming in my head right now:
There’s a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
But you’re just as far in as you’ll ever be out
These mistakes you’ve made, you’ll just make them again
If you only try turning around.
Two AM and I’m still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
Inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd
‘Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you’ll use them, however you want to
‘Cause you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable,
And life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
And breathe, just breathe
Whoa breathe, just breathe,
I feel like I started this journey – opened up that damn pandoras box and well I can’t turn around now I have to keep going. But there are days I don’t want to, days when I feel sad and like all this past crap is just pouring out of me but I don’t know what to do with it. Where do I dump it? Where is it safe to let it go without it being toxic to others?
And shit some of you think I’m so brave and courageous for sharing all this (and don’t get me wrong I cherish you all for this and your love and I am so blessed with all support you all have been so amazing) But – omg can I just say that it’s damn scary! I don’t feel one ounce of bravery and I feel like I’m naked on a nude beach, only I didn’t get the memo that it’s no longer a nude beach and here I am with nothing on, feeling vulnerable as all hell! But I share story, my journey because my heart and soul says just do it, you need to do it, maybe it could help someone out there that’s feeling all the same kinda mixed-up-ness as I am, and so it goes.
This brings me to my recent Soul Card (art tag) that I created.
Why for heavens sake do we feel like we are unworthy of self compassion? I mean why? When you say it out loud it sounds sooooo wrong. Go ahead give it a try say out loud “I am not worthy of self compassion.” Sounds like crap right?! yeah well that’s cause it is! So why do we feel that way? Where did we learn that we are not allowed compassion for ourselves? When did society get so messed up that meeting what I believe to be a human basic need could be taken away from us? I mean would you deny a baby food when it’s born? No, of course not, if you did it’s not going to physically develop and grow properly and healthy. So why in the heck do we think intangible things such as compassion for ourselves is acceptable for society to take away from us? We need it to grow and develop healthy both emotionally and mentally.
Well forget it – Claim that shit back my friends. YOU are worthy, I am worthy, we are all worthy of compassion for ourselves and it’s not a want it is a human basic NEED.
So I’m practicing – using my voice and expressing compassion for myself. We do not need to allow others to take this from us and we can claim it back with a simple positive affirmation. I am worthy of compassion, I deserve compassion, I have compassion for myself. – Create yourself a soul card with these words written on it, put it in a spot that you can see and read it everyday.
Phew this is some heavy shit today right?
Yeah for me too, can you take a little more? Cause I have an art journal page that I created and now that I’ve already poured out half of my emotional cup I’m kinda feeling like – might as well keep going.
I have a little story to share which is the background for this art journal page, but first I want to share a little something about how these pages come to be. Now most of the time when I start creating an art journal page that ends up being a way of working out some emotions I do not start out thinking – I’m going to paint “this” and it will help me through “this”. No no no – my brain does not work that way at all. It’s more like I’m gonna let her get started and then I’m gonna creep up and sneak that emotional shit in there without her even knowing it and well then she’s just gotta deal with it and work through it. Well maybe that’s not exactly what my brain is saying but its what I imagine happening lol.
So I would like you to all meet Sabrina My Trust Angel.
So the story of Sabrina is this – I am the youngest of 8 kids some of you may already know this and you may also know that our home growing up was very volatile. We were not allowed to really have friends over or go to friends houses much, so to me my brothers and sisters were my life. And as the story goes being the youngest each one my siblings grew up and moved out on their own. Now rationally I know that this is how it’s supposed to happen, but emotionally the “little girl” in me felt abandoned. Like each one grew up and moved out and left me there to fend for myself. Trusting that people won’t leave me in my life well – it’s huge for me – I often times push people away before they can leave and hurt me. So my sub-conscious is telling me it’s time to work on this and learn to trust again, to heal this part of me and allow myself to trust others so that I can develop long loving relationships. After painting her I felt a bit better, a little lighter, I know my work in this area is not done but it’s a start and it feels good to get that part out of me and on paper to start to work through it!
Her little tattooed heart is symbolic to me- my mom always used to say I wear my heart on my sleeve just out there for others to hurt. It’s true I do, but now I need to trust that others are not out to hurt me and honestly sharing my heart and loving others is what I do, it’s what makes me, me and that part I just can’t change nor do I wish to. It’s always ok and wonderful to be who you are, to love who you are, being vulnerable is a part of life, I have learned that allowing others to see my imperfect makes them comfortable to share there’s and that opens up for so much love and acceptance of who we are with others.
So is there such thing as over sharing? I have noticed often times on social media people judging others on there opening up and sharing vulnerable things, deep things, personal things.
I truthfully wish to not judge others on what they might need to share or what they do share because I am not them, I am not walking in their shoes and maybe they need support, love or to feel worthy. Maybe it’s a cry for help. I can not possibly know what others are thinking or feeling unless they out right tell me. But what I will say is this: if something makes you uncomfortable it’s okay not to read it. If something is a trigger it’s okay to not read it, we all have our “things” about us and it’s important to respect others in what they wish to share about themselves on public platforms. Because we need to remember that what we may feel when we read someone else’s words is our feelings. No one makes us “feel” that way we are allowing ourselves to feel a certain way. And We as individuals need to take responsibility for our own feelings. That’s a hard thing to swallow because we do as a society like to have someone else to blame. But just as I felt abandoned when my siblings left – they did not do that to me nor did they “make” me feel that way, they were simply living their own lives and traveling their own journey.
I want to share again that I have a facebook group that is full of love and support and art for any women out there who feel compelled to join the link is here. If you want to share privately this is the group for you, where you can feel loved and supported and not judged.
Thank you dear friends for sharing your time with me today. For allowing me to share my journey with all of you. You are cherished and loved here!! xxoo – Sherry