It’s been a long road…

Ahhh, so it’s been a lot longer than a hot minute since I’ve written a blog post.  I recall writing my last post – my husband, Dan and I were getting ready to leave for our yearly week in Key West the next week and since I had much to do before I left I wanted to get an important blog post out supporting my friend and her new endeavors.  Little did I know that shortly after I returned my life would be turned upside down.

It was Memorial weekend 2018 when I received a text from my brother saying my mom had fallen. and cracked a rib and possibly broke her hip.  I didn’t rush right up to see her as I was in the middle of a bunch of things (had just got back from vacation) and so figured I’d go see her just after the weekend.  The next day I received a distress call from the same brother saying “Sherry did you get my text about mom”. My response was yes.  He proceeded:  She’s in a real lot of pain and I told them to start giving her morphine this morning – I don’t think she has long. – Me:  well he couldn’t see me but my jaw hit the floor and tears welled up in my eyes.  Now back up a bit – this is a brother I had a falling out with so we were not on speaking terms – so for him to call me was a big deal and so I knew my mom was really not doing well.  I was speechless – something that doesn’t happen to me all that often – I’m not sure if he thought I dropped the phone or what but he said:  are you there???  I simply said yes and choked up with tears he said – I’m sorry, I said ok thanks and hung up.  How?  What?  Why?  It makes no damn sense – she fell – she had some broken bones – but how could she be dying from broken bones in a day and a half???? Fear, anger, resentment, hatred, sorrow – all of it over and over again swirling inside of me as I tried to process the conversation.

And there is was, the change that shook my very existence.  The change that would change EVERYTHING.  June 4, 2018 she died – it was about 2 weeks after falling.  I was broken, shattered, pieces of me just falling over and over and over again.  Okay I was 45 and no I didn’t need my mom to raise me and look after me.  And yes she had Alzheimer’s and she was probably better off as she wasn’t suffering but wait.  I was suffering, I was hurting, I was cut to my core like nothing I’ve ever felt before.  I was no longer going to hear her voice, I was no longer going to be able to hug her or kiss her.  I was no longer going to have a mom that was living.  This is something that you know will happen one day but you never know how it actually will affect you until it happens.

<caption for this photo:  I worked for awhile as an accountant at an advertising agency and got my friend a photographer a job there – I had my parents come in and she took some photos of them>

So I write this story today – my story – for all of you who have lost your mom.  It may only be a month, or it may be a year or it may be 20 years.  The time doesn’t matter – it hurts, and we miss our mom’s daily and on the anniversary of their death, and their birthday and our birthday and every holiday and all those big moments in our lives and all those small ones. WE MISS OUR MOMS!  They gave us life, they taught us, they fed us, they laughed with us and cried with us and yelled at us (lol) and no they weren’t prefect, but neither are we and it’s okay because at the end of the day we love our moms and our moms loved us!

<Photo on the left is my mom the Christmas after my dad passed when she was at the Memory Care Home, Photo on the right was Thanksgiving at my house with my mom, son, Elias and My Husband, Dan – also the same year my dad passed>

I share this story for all those out there that are feeling or have felt the same feelings and need a place to be heard, that need to be witnessed because you lost your mom.  I do not share it for others to feel sad for me, but for those that needed to hear it. And because it is part of my story, a story I have  waited a long time to share and now is the time I feel it.  My story starts here at the end…..